Have you ever thought about why the majority of people prefer unhappiness to uncertainty? Why so many of us prefer the unhappy situation we are stuck in to trying something new and unknown? There is always that little fear that things could turn out a lot worse than they are. And so, we hesitate.
It’s the same thing that happens when you desperately need some advice, and you know perfectly well that the one piece of advice you don’t want to hear will be the one you need the most.
The moment we decide to act on an unhappy situation, is when we realise the cost of inaction is too high.
When we know a change – small or big – is necessary, we often start by preparing practicalities relating to the change: one of the first questions you will ask yourself when considering if you should change jobs or career, retire, start your own business, move home etc. is ‘can I afford it?’. You might consider different financial scenarios and let those decide your course of action.
When we face a more emotional change like starting a new relationship, getting married, having children, divorcing, pursuing a new friendship etc. we tend to let the famous ‘gut feeling’ guide us; ‘what feels right for me to do?’.
These perspectives may both be good and work in a lot of situations. The thing is though, that the one preparation that will determine the outcome the most is the psychological preparation. And this is often the one we don’t really want to face.
Being psychologically prepared for change, often means going through risks involved, considering worst case scenarios and also facing your own limiting beliefs as part of the process. The moment we are willing to start doing this, is often the moment after we have realised that inaction is a much bigger risk.
The most important thing to remember as you prepare psychologically, is your motivation for wanting the change and the positive outcomes your want to create in your life.
Here are a few perspectives to consider as part of your psychological preparation:
1) Define and imagine your worst nightmare.
The absolute worst-case scenario. What if everything went wrong? There is a point to this; how does your worst nightmare look? Is it actually as bad as you fear before you think it through? Even if half of this became a reality, how could you prepare and how could you face the challenges? How could you repair the damage? What would the outcomes (or benefits) be both long-term and short-term? What aspect of your nightmare scenario are you actually fearing the most and why?
This is the one thing, we don't actually want to think about. But it is the preparation that will help you the most in moving forward. Defining the fear, acknowledging it, pulling it apart and using it as a drive to move forward.
2) Consider both the bigger and smaller picture.
What will your life look like in a month from starting this new life? What will your life look like in a year, 5 years, 10 years? How will you keep your motivation up? What support is needed? What are your goals and how do you keep them in view? Big stuff, small stuff - bring it all into focus.
3) Be realistic.
Don’t set the bar too low or too high. All change comes with challenges. However, you will surprise yourself. So, don’t make the challenge too easy. Also, don’t make it so difficult to reach a goal that you lose your motivation and wish to get there. Be aware of and realistic about your own determination and stamina.
4) Allow yourself to be afraid and do it anyway.
Fear will be the biggest barrier to anything new we ever try. It is completely normal. In fact, it would be very strange if you were not afraid. Your fear tells you that you are on unknown territory. As you build mental strength and resilience, you will start to rely a lot more on your abilities, courage and determination than you will listen to your fear. This is where you will really feel the benefits of being psychologically prepared. Because in that preparation you know fear will pop up from time to time as you go through your transition. But you will also recognise it for what it is: your insecurities talking. And not your skills, strengths, abilities, resources, courage or willpower.
5) Think about how you will deal with setbacks.
These are not failures or signs that you shouldn’t have started this new adventure. These are normal ‘bumps in the road’ that we all experience all the time. How will you react to them? What will you do? What resources will you need to deal with them? These questions can be difficult to consider in advance but mentally preparing for setbacks will make them a lot smaller and your position to overcome them a lot stronger. Re-connect with your motivation and reasons for embarking upon this new adventure. Remind yourself of the outcomes and what you want to become.
If you still ponder whether or not to embark upon a major change in life, I’ll leave you with two questions to consider:
1) What will inaction cost you in the long run? What is the price you are currently paying and will continue to pay after years of inaction?
2) Are you staying true to your core values and your passions at the moment? If you are considering a change in the first place, then it must be because something is either missing in your current life or because something is not as it should be?
Answering these two questions will help you determine your motivation and also help you consider if inaction is actually a lot worse than the fear of going through a transition. It will also help you identify how you want to act and what you want to move towards.
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