How to overcome reverse culture shock
Returning to your home country after a period abroad can cause reverse culture shock for some people. This can be difficult to talk about and deal with. However, if you don’t, it can get the better of you and you will end up feeling lost and not feeling like you belong anywhere.
The emotional and psychological reaction to returning is a kind of re-adjustment sometimes similar to the one you experienced when you first moved abroad.
Culture shock, or re-entry, is one of the most peculiar forms of ‘loss’ you can experience. I call it ‘loss’ because that is what you fell:
There is a sense of having lost those new experiences, friends etc. you had started to build in your new country. At the same time, you might feel you have lost touch with your friends and connections in your old country, as well as a sense of having lost touch with the ways of society, language and culture in your old country. There might even be a feeling of loneliness starting to kick in.
For some it lasts only a few weeks. For others it can go on for months.
There are some things you can do to make it easier for yourself, but the intensity of the feeling will also depend a lot on circumstances, sometimes out of your control.
Here are 10 things to keep in mind that may help you ease the process of re-settling:
1) People have changed
Yes, this is probably the most expected change you will encounter. People you knew years ago have moved on with their lives. Sometimes you will fit into their new lives, and you might also want to, sometimes you won’t.
Remember that you have changed too. Old friends, and sometimes even close family members, will look at you differently.
Some will envy you your experiences. Others have just moved on without you in their lives.
This is not necessarily sad; it is just life.
2) Expect that even your nearest and dearest don’t always want to hear about you feeling 'lost'
This can be a difficult one to deal with because talking about how you feel helps. But not everyone wants to hear about it. Not even people very close to you or people that you normally talk to about everything.
The reason for this is that when you talk about differences you experience between cultures or societies, some people in your old country will take this as an insult, or they just don’t care. Some will think you are criticising your old country by mentioning how things have changed, or not changed, or remark upon differences or how you are trying to get used to doing things in a certain way again.
However, criticising is far from your intention. You just need to talk about how some things are done differently now in your old country or differently from what you have experienced abroad. This is part of acclimatising. But expect that a lot of people in your home country will not see it that way. Some may think you are sad and miss the place you came from when you talk about culture differences. Others are just happy you are back and can't understand what it is you miss (because to them your old country is obviously the best in the world!).
You can try to explain but often this is very hard to talk to anyone at home about. Even your closest family or friends. They don't have your reference points and don't always understand where you are coming from.
However, I would recommend that you DO talk about it to someone. Because it does make it easier to adjust. This brings us to point number 3.
3) Join international networks or groups
If you can, reach out to others who may have been abroad as well or join an international network in your hometown. It can also be online. You will find that they will understand your reference points and how you feel. This is also an opportunity for you to make new connections, come to terms with why you feel the way you do and re-discover a sense of belonging.
4) Write or record your experiences
Either writing your experiences and feelings down or record yourself talking about them, helps too. Start a blog if you like. You will gain a new perspective on what you have experienced when you put it into words. Also, there might be things that suddenly seem ridiculous or very different from how you first felt them, when you start to put them into words. This will help you adjust and process all your experiences and feelings as well. Also, it can be a way of giving back and sharing with others who might be feeling the same difficulties around culture shock.
5) Keep in touch with friends you have met abroad
One of the huge advantages of having lived abroad is your broader network. Keep in touch and keep expanding your world. This will work to your advantage. Also, this will help you create your own way of acclimatising to your new surroundings. Remember, you don’t have to be ‘fully integrated’ as you once where in your home country. You are a new person with more international experiences now. It is completely normal to feel 'homesick' from time to time for other homes you once had and for people you know out there in the wide world. Embrace being a new person with friends and connections in every corner of the world.
6) Get out and about
If you have started a new job, studies etc. in your home country this will help you as you will naturally start a new daily routine and have something to keep you busy. But also, when you have time off, make sure to get out and re-discover your old town, city, country again.
I struggled with this the second time I moved back to my home country, as I moved home during one of the wettest and coldest winters in a long time. And because the weather was so bad for months it was hard to get out just for a walk.
However, it’s important to do something. Meet up with family or friends, or just go by yourself, and go to a museum or to watch a movie. Anything that gets you out of the house basically.
7) Seek out new experiences
This is a bit more than just getting out of the house. If you can, start a new hobby or learn a new skill. This will help you build experiences and create new memories in your new life quickly. And you will start to feel a greater sense of belonging too.
8) Focus on 'the next chapter' of your life
This can be hard but keep going. It’s absolutely fine to dwell on the past and your wonderful experiences and all the learning you did and the friends you made but try to concentrate on what’s next in life as well to keep the momentum going. Once you get started it does become easier.
9) Stay adventurous and keep travelling
Keep your international contacts where possible. Visit when possible and go visit new places on holidays. Explore your old country again. Build new contacts in your home country and nurture the old ones that make sense for you in your life now. This will take time, of course, so be patient. However, staying adventurous will help you see the world in a new light. And because you have done it before, you are in a much greater position to go exploring.
10) Remember to be proud of yourself
This of course goes for everyone anywhere in life but especially when you experience re-entry shock. You have actually challenged yourself and gone outside your comfort zone! Not everyone has the guts to do that. You have learned a lot. About other cultures, yourself and life. This is massive! And even if it doesn’t feel that way now, if will bring so many different perspectives to your life in the future. No matter where you decide to go.
Overcoming reverse culture shock is a process. Sometimes a long one!
There will be setbacks where you might experience loneliness or when that feeling of loss will kick in. But keep going. Remember why you moved abroad in the first place and what experiences, good and bad, that gave you. You are a lot stronger for it. So, stay adventurous and keep pushing yourself outside your comfort zone.
Remember the power of your creative and curious mindset and stay open to how your knowledge, experiences and learning can be applied to your new life no matter where you are in the world. That is how new adventures happen!
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