Have you forgotten how to prioritise yourself in the hard work of looking after others?
You know that 'X-person' in your team is experiencing stress at the moment, and you keep an extra eye on them and want to help them feel joy about their work again. You are shielding your team from a bad top management who provides nothing but unclear visions and obscure instructions. You try very hard to downplay or ignore the obvious toxic work culture caused by too much work, no acknowledgement of hard-earned results, unhealthy competition and lack of support...
When being a project manager or team leader, you are often the person shielding others from these things in an organisation. Often, we fall into some very unhealthy and self-harming patterns in the attempt of protecting others, focus on the task at hand and producing results. This is a misunderstood and very harmful way of ‘caring’. And you will end up forgetting about yourself and neglecting your own welfare.
As a leader you have to recharge your batteries to be your best self. You cannot support others if you are constantly drained! When you are sad, angry, frustrated, stressed etc. it impacts your mood and energy and therefore your colleagues and employees as well. Likewise, when you smile and support the person who has just spilled coffee all over the project presentation or the nervous colleague who is just about to speak in front of a large crowd, you are creating a long-lasting sense of support and encouragement. These little things matter, and they get picked up on by your surroundings.
Two very important things happen when you are stressed, angry and frustrated in your work: 1) Your behaviour becomes very changeable. One day you can handle all sorts of feedback and criticism, the next you feel completely overwhelmed by even the smallest task and can barely manage to look people in the eye.
2) Not looking after yourself and feeling the frustration at work also impact your sense of empathy. You simply become worse at understanding and reading people. Lack of sleep, endless meetings, never feeling prepared enough and too much screen-time, take your focus away from other people’s signals and body-language. You simply become less aware.
So, what can you do to make sure you actively practice self-care?
1) Take care of your basic needs.
Yep, you know this one by heart and yet it’s the first one we neglect in stressful situations: Basic needs. Get enough sleep, eat a healthy diet, get enough exercise, make positive social relations, get the right support. If these basic things are not in order, you become less resilient towards any challenges in life. So, start looking at these first. If needed, go see your doctor and ask for help with these.
2) Take breaks.
When you are off work you are OFF WORK! You are not meant to check emails in the middle of the night. You are not meant to answer that phone call on your holiday. You are not doing yourself, your team or your work place any favours by being available all the time. In fact, you are doing the opposite! You are part of creating a toxic work culture where stress, looking busy and pretending to be ‘on’ all the time is seen as a good thing. So let go of this. Yes, I know exactly how difficult this is but let go! It is simply not worth it and no job is worth your mental or physical health.
3) Prioritise your tasks.
You are not actually meant to take on everything that ends up on your desk. Prioritise your resources and those of your team. Control your expectations – your own personal expectations, your professional expectations and those you have on behalf of your team and projects. Of course, it’s alright to work long hours for a short period. We all do this. But if this becomes the norm rather than the exception, you have a problem. Align your resources (time, people, budgets) and your expectations so they fit what is doable and realistic.
4) Make room for unexpected tasks.
When you are a leader or manager, unexpected things happen all the time and suddenly you end up having spent an entire day talking to the stressed employee or the troublesome stakeholder without having had time for much else. This happens all the time so make sure you have room for these things as part of your to-do list and your alignment of priorities. It will remove a lot of frustration.
5) Check in with yourself from time to time.
Schedule time for this. Does your gut feeling about what you do feel right? Does this job give you what you want right now in your life? If not, what is missing? What would you like more of? Where would you like for this job, the experiences and skills you have learned to take you? Yes, these are all coaching questions and can help you figure out what you want to really prioritise in your life, if you want more in your current position or if you want to move on and try something completely different. Coaching can help you prioritise self-care as a leader and manager and help you set up a motivational long-term action plan that will not only ensure you actively practice self-care but also support your resilience and your motivation for positive change.
It is SO easy to forget yourself when managing and leading others. We do whatever it takes to secure a result or finish a project or try to make everyone feel comfortable and motivated in their work.
However, we often forget that to be the supporter, motivator and leader you need to put on your own oxygen mask before you assist others! If you keel over, you won’t be able to be there for others. So, make sure you take care of yourself first.
This is not something you make yourself deserving of after having drowned yourself in work or after you have exhausted all your resources to a point where you have nothing left.
This is a necessity for doing your job in the best possible way! So, start prioritising your personal wellbeing as a necessity.
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